Out of the fog

Thank you, Patrick, for helping me "snap out of it" and come to my senses... You are right, of course... Going back to Hawk would just lead to the same misery that it did before... No matter how much I love him, and how much I long for his type of dominance, and although I do believe, in his own way, he loves me as much as he can love anyone... That is what it boils down to... I will never be to him what he is to me... That is a recipe for disaster in a relationship...

I really feel, more strongly than ever, that some people are meant to be alone... And I am one of them. I don't know what is going on with Jeff, whether his mother was worse than they thought, or what... But I get the suspicion that things are in a downhill spiral with us...
Is this where I should make the vow to never date another married man? I can't make that promise... Although, if Jeff and I do part, I will TRY to never let myself get into that situation again... I need someone of my own, or none at all... So I guess it is none at all... Unless I go out with that sweet truck driver, Andy, which I can't see happening... (unless I mail him some mouthwash, anonymously....LOL) Although I have heard that he and his ex have 5 or 6 kids... And I am NOT step-mom material!!!! LOL
(BTW: I drug my STBX, R, into my room last night, and handed him my riding crop... he isn't 24/7 Dom material, but he does individual scenes quite well... I needed the release... some people run, some people eat, some people meditate... I need a few good swats now and then to take me where I want to go - that is my meditation....LOL)